A BrightBuilt Home for (Almost) Every Apocalypse

Though we live in an increasingly polarized society, one of the few things that
we can all agree on is that the world is becoming more and more perilous, our
prospects are unsteady, and the future is impossible to predict. Between the real or imagined threats of climate change, nuclear war, and zombies, it’s sometimes difficult to see past the parade of horrifying news stories, devastating storms, and overzealous Second Coming preachers that batter us with their end-of- days prophecies. We don’t have to agree on how or when the world will end, but let’s be honest – we’re all wondering how we’ll get through it.

If you are hoping to build a new home, but are concerned that there may be no point in trying to survive the coming horrors, I have good news. BrightBuilt Home understands these concerns, and will work to create a home for you that can keep you and your family safe through (almost) any apocalypse.

 

Environmental Disaster

BrightBuilt Home was started as a way of mitigating the environmental destruction that is wrought everyday by the building industry. The intention is that every home is capable of supplying its own power, and as such, the homes are well insulated, air sealed, and equipped  with energy efficient systems designed to smooth out the whims of the weather and harness the ever more sinister power of the sun to ride out progressively more erratic winters. It’s like environmental Tai-Chi, with triple pane windows.

While you can’t predict typhoons in November, you can be sure that you will be cool in the summer and warm in the winter, and that the storms raging outside your window will seem quaint from inside your cozy BrightBuilt Home. Passive solar design will ensure that you collect as much heat as possible from the winter sun, while the summer sun is blocked from cooking you on your living room couch. Deep insulated walls have the dual effect of holding the temperature steady, and silencing the crack of thunder outdoors. Grow happy houseplants on your generous windowsills to distract from the tendrils of man-made desert drifting across your yard, and water them with our standard low-flow water fixtures.

Model to Choose: The Foxbird. Let’s face it, you’re probably going to die in
this house, so take life easy with single level living, firmly rooted to the good
earth.

Recommended Modification: Upgrade to a recycled fly ash siding. It’s
impervious to water, will hold its paint longer than wood siding, and won’t
rot.

 

Economic Collapse

With all the uncertainty in the world, it’s good to know that you will
never be surprised by your utility bill. When stocks are going crazy and a
gallon of milk costs $16, you don’t want to have to sell your youngest child to
keep the lights on. It might cost money to build your home, but remember
that when it really counts, it will be worth a herd of cattle, 5 dairy goats, 27
rolls of barbed wire, 3 boxes of shotgun shells, and a machete. That’s a
capital gain by any definition, right?

If everything else goes wrong, at least you and your family will be safe
and warm between scavenging trips. Remember that the ROI on smug
superiority is immediate.

Model to Choose: Vinalhaven. With plenty of square footage and 4-5
bedrooms, you will have lots of room to house your destitute children and
their offspring until they are 47, which is the average age that the next
generation is expected to move out of the basement.

Recommended Modification: Hold the utility at arms length with an ample
battery supply and break up with the grid when Wall Street gets too hairy.

 

Super Virus Rampage

Population keeps rising, and it’s only a matter of time before a super
virus sweeps through the unwashed masses, leaving a crippled economy and
decimated infrastructure in its wake. It’s a good thing that your impeccably
detailed home keeps you off the grid, and your filtered HRV keeps your air
clean. Leave crowded, contagious society behind, and when the virus has
passed, you’ll be the one left standing, albeit surrounded by the emaciated
corpses of former neighbors with less foresight.

Model to Choose: BrightBuilt Barn. You only need a small home to live that
isolationist lifestyle you’ve been dreaming of.

Recommended Modification: Upgrade to a medical grade filtration system. If there’s anyone  you want to take with you (provided they haven’t been infected yet) spring for the two bedroom model.

 

Zombies

Just because the world has been overrun with the shambling undead,
doesn’t mean you have to crouch in the dark behind boarded up windows,
whispering to your one companion about the next place to scavenge for
twinkies. In a BrightBuilt Home, you can talk with your outside voice. The
zombies can’t hear you, thanks to 10 inches of cellulose insulation, and that’s
good, because it means that you don’t have to listen to their pathetic
moaning. Relax in the ample natural day-lighting that is typical for passive
solar homes and pretend, while you enjoy the squirrel you caught for dinner,
that the world has not become a horror movie hell landscape.

Model to Choose: Great Diamond. With an optional finished attic space, you’ll
have a great vantage point for target practice.

Recommended Modification: Have your builder relocate your fresh air intake
near the roof so you don’t have to smell the rotting corpses of the walkers
you shot. Swapping the living space of the first floor with the bedrooms on
the 2nd floor will place your big windows high above the ground, which will
come in handy if you find yourself dealing with fast and mean 28 Days Later
zombies rather than the clumsy and slow Walking Dead variety.

 

Nuclear War

If you were under the impression that a nuclear apocalypse means certain
death, we have good news! When it comes to surviving nuclear attack,
location is everything, and with the right modifications, you can have the
dubious responsibility of repopulating the planet. BrightBuilt Homes are well
suited for modification into a bomb shelter. Sturdily built with hefty high
performance windows, they will withstand more heat and blast pressure
than most of the buildings around them, and the strength of the blast
decreases quickly the further you are from ground zero. Once the more
insidious radioactive fallout takes over as your primary risk, you can rely on
airtight construction and 24/7 air filtration to ensure you breathe easy. Build
at least 5 miles from any likely strike targets and plan to stay indoors for at
least 2 weeks.

Model to Choose: Bungalow. A low profile means the surrounding landscape
can offer you some protection from the initial blast, and a full basement
provides a great opportunity for that inner refuge where you can hide out for
those first few critical days.

Recommended Modification: The sun won’t shine much during nuclear
winter, so your solar panels won’t be much help until the dust settles. Opt for
a well-sealed high performance woodstove with its own intake air to keep
you cozy until the heat pumps come back on.

 

Remember, when discussing your construction budget with your BrightBuilt Project Manager, that garages, cinder block walls with broken glass toppers, razor wire fences, pointy stick barriers, decks, and porches are not included in the base pricing, and will require additional estimating by your builder.

With a BrightBuilt Home as your base of operations, your chances of outlasting whatever is coming are greatly increased, and nothing beats the peace of mind of knowing that you will probably survive an imaginary future catastrophe. Give us a call to get started, and whisper “the sky is falling” repeatedly into the receiver until you are transferred to the individual who wrote this post.